I found myself staring, even though I know I should be talking. We've been arguing for hours (more like minutes), and I can't get myself to either leave or keep talking. I feel a helpless weight press over me. A deep panic wants all of this to go away so I can retreat to a place where no one is mad at me or at least where I can be myself without fear. I remember to breathe. Slow at first, but in, then hold, then out. Some of the weight and paralysis goes with it. I breathe again. In, then hold, then out. More of the weight gone. I feel the smallest remnant of mental clarity coming back to me as I start to hear what my wife has been saying. I venture to speak. Re-engage.
This is Foundational
Breathing is to mental health as stance is to martial arts. If your stance is wrong, the rest of the moves you try will likely leave you on your butt. Breathing has become a continual topic that I return to over and over again because it forms the basis of other mental health techniques. If my breathing is allowed to be shallow or if I find myself clenching or holding my breath, my brain isn't going to think calm thoughts. Plus, it is a wonderfully subtle technique that doesn't draw attention to itself and has the powerful result of mind over matter. Whether you want to fight, flee or freeze, breathing works for them all.
Combat Breathing
This breathing technique is used in law enforcement, military and many other emergency personnel. Simply, imagine a square, 4 sides equaling 4 seconds each. Two tricks I've learned to make this even more effective.
- Practice this every day when I'm on my own and feeling safe. This allows me to create a mental autopilot because my body is used to the practice.
- Imagine with every outbreath that your body is melting. Muscle tensions is pretty automatic for me, so intentional release is usually necessary.
Presto
And that's it! There are a few other methods I will add later, but this is my "bread and butter" technique and the one I use most often. Until next time!