Why You Can’t Think Clearly Until Your Body Feels Safe

I know how I thought about my nervous system - mind over matter. I'm a psychologist. If anyone is supposed to know their emotions and nervous system, it's us. But I was more anxious all the time. I used to try and journal, think and logic my way through my problems. I thought that LOGIC was the most MATURE. In fact, logic can be entirely fueled by anxiety and fear - which I now know biases my brain and action in the wrong directions. 

I was doing the right things. I was talking about it more, being honest about my stress, even meditating. Those things helped but I still didn't have a clue just how MUCH my fight or flight system was running 24/7. Anytime someone entered the room I would feel that "on" switch and have to perform or watch what I did or said. 

It my search for "who I am," I couldn't think my way into identity or inner peace. I couldn't talk my way there either. Even today, all of my coping skills starts with regulating my nervous system, then the real work can begin. 

What Does It Mean to "Regulate Your Nervous System"?

Think of your nervous system like a car engine:

• If you're revved up (fight-or-flight mode), you feel restless, anxious, or angry.
• If you’re stalling out (freeze mode), you feel numb, shut down, or exhausted.
• If you’re regulated, your body feels calm, present, and alert—not on edge, not checked out.

When your nervous system is dysregulated, you’re reactive. You snap at your partner, scroll for hours, or grab a drink just to take the edge off, numb out. 

When your nervous system is regulated, you have control. You can think before you react. You can make better decisions. You can actually process emotions instead of being hijacked by them.

For me personally, I feel empowered. So much of my fight or flight is "others" based. Meaning I feel anxiety or depression because of wanting to make others proud, keep them close, feel understood, protecting myself, etc. When I am regulated, my relationship with myself and what I truly need to do in my relationships because more clear because I am tuned in to my own needs. Previously, I would just tune into this "logic" of "what's the right thing to do?" or "what would they want me to do?" It was all externally based - to build my safety from the outside in, rather than from the inside out. 

Step One: Get Out of Survival Mode

If you’ve been feeling stuck, start here:

1. Breathe like you mean it.

   • Try box breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat 5 times.
     • When I do this, it helps a LOT for me to try and feel "heavier." I let gravity pull on my body. When my muscles relax, I can enter into a brainwave state that allows for rest and digest mode more easily. 

2. Move your body—gently.

   • If you’re keyed up, go for a slow walk.
   • If you’re shut down, do a few push-ups or shake out your arms.
     • A ton of my fight or flight was related to suppressing action. I wanted to leave, but I stayed. I wanted to punch something or yell, but I didn't. Moving is about honoring what your body wants to do to protect itself, then safety can return. 

3. Feel something real.

   • Hold a cold glass of water.
   • Run warm water over your hands.
     • Wim Hof cold plunging has been a game changer. It shocks me back into my body because I tend to want to ignore my body and the feelings of anxiety. But when we create a little anxiety through cold or bring sensation through warm or hot, we get out of the mind and into the body. 

Why This Matters for Every Other Part of Your Life

I tried so hard to fix every problem in front of me. And then I would either end up resentful, make mistakes or just feel overwhelmed and want to quit everything. Logic is a terrible place to make decisions. We need the combination of logic and emotions. For me, my emotional center was connected with the body and physical nervous system calm. 

When you learn to regulate your nervous system, everything else gets easier:

✅ You get a few seconds of reflection before just reacting. It could be getting defensive OR saying yes too quickly. 

✅ You have other options that come to mind other than scrolling, drinking, and the internet. 

✅ You feel more connected to the things you really want and need. 

This is the foundation. Get this part right, and the rest of your mental health journey will actually start working.

Ready to Take the First Step?

If you're struggling with stress, addiction, or feeling stuck, start here. Regulate first, then work on everything else.

Need more specific help? 

At The Couch, we specialize in giving men practical, no-BS strategies to take control of their mental health. 

Book a session at thecouchpsychology.com and let’s get to work.